What will be Apple’s Wednesday announcement?

At this point, I think I’ve heard all the rumors.  However, I’ve heard a myriad of them with some of them being downright contradictory.  Supposedly we will have:

• The introduction of the iPad or iTablet or iSlate or whatever it’s going to be called.
• The tablet application will look like an enlarged version of the iPhone without being tied to AT&T.  Rather, the users will have a choice of AT&T or Verizon.
• The screen size will be 10 inches.  No, wait, 11 inches.  No, wait, 9.5 inches.
• iPhone OS 4.0 will be introduced, which the tablet device will run a version of.
• Apple will halt its iPhone exclusivity with AT&T, which will go into effect later this year.  An unlocked version of the device will be released at that time.

Since rumors usually run rampant right before Apple makes a major announcement, I thought I’d try to start a few of my own.  They are:

• Steve Jobs will announce his affair with Angelina Jolie.
• The next generation of iPhone will come with lasers for vaporizing your enemies.
• Apple will release a new computer-based product that will open portals to other dimensions.
• Apple is abandoning the consumer retail electronics business and will open a chain of themed fast food restaurants where they will sell, what else, apples.
• Steve Jobs will autograph an HP computer.
• It will be revealed that aliens have been running Apple Inc. since 2003.

What will Apple announce on Wednesday?  Use your imagination and let me know in the comments.