My Li’l Bastard – Review

On December 27, 2009

App Type: Uncategorized

My Li’l Bastard – Review

Our rating:

By: Turner Broadcasting System, Inc.

Version #: 1.0

Date Released: 2009-12-23


Price: 2.99

User Rating:

Leave it to the folks (also known as the "sickos") at Adult Swim to take the Tamagotchi craze from a few years back (as well as the various "care for my pet" apps that are prevalent in the App Store) and mock the crap out of it.  Literally.

The Li’l Bastard in question is a little circle with eyes and a mouth (pink or blue, depending on the circle’s "gender").  When the app is launched, you pick the sex of the pet and then try to feed and care for it properly in order to grow up.  Unlike the more family-friendly versions of the app, the Li’l Bastard poops and pees all over the place within the box that is his home and you have to clean it up.

The Bastard is a bit like a dog.  He is given a bowl and fed bones and some other boxed item that looks like dog food.  All items can be purchased at a shop that one can get to by tapping a button.  It’s also possible to purchase at the store a knife, poison and several other dangerous objects.  I’m not sure why, except that it’s fun to do so.

This app is good for measuring whether or not one can handle the responsbility of a real pet.  I’ve killed two thus far.  While not as much fun as apps like Amateur Surgeon and Five Minutes to Kill Yourself, My Li’l Bastard has a charm all its own.

This app has proven to me that I should not have pets.  Or children.  If you have a love/hate relationship with digital pets and have a good sense of humor, then this app would be a good time waster.

Quick Take


Would I Buy Again:Quite possibly.

Learning Curve:Low to medium.

Who Is It For:Digital pet lovers.

What I Like:Fun and cute to play with.

What I Don't Like:Instructions on actual care could be presented more clearly.

Final Statement:Everybody should have a Bastard.

Read the Developer's Notes:
My Li'l Bastard is unlike any virtual pet you've ever cared for. He takes your tender loving care and vomits it back at you, tossing Molotov cocktails on the gifts you graciously bought him, breaking that water bottle you tried using to punish him, and pooping all over the place. But with courage, tenacity, and patience, you just might be able to turn this bastard around. (Note: we said“might.”) This enhanced edition of Adult Swim Games'popular web game expands your bastard's world and offers new ways to play with your newborn boy/girl!GameplayThe goal of the game is to raise your baby from blob-like hatchling to full-fledged adult bastard. Each stage of life presents a new challenge for you to overcome with your offspring. Use gold you earn to buy supplies and food in the store. Scold them when they're naughty to break them of bad habits. Chat with them via an in-game computer terminal. Play an innocent little game of fetch with them. The activities in My Li'l Bastard will make you feel like a parent for the first time or the last time!** Knife-throwing minigame **Put your bastard's life on the line for big gold in a carnival-style knife-throwing contest. A finger-flick is all it takes to pop balloons that hide prizes like money, supplies...and sometimes poop. But beware...a mistimed flick and you could mortally wound your baby!** Slot machine minigame **Not willing to cheat death for quick cash? The new slot machine minigame puts your money on the line instead to win supplies, gold and other items (yes, you can win poop in addition to other loot).** Multiple save slots **Multiple saves allow you to care for up to four little bastards at a time or share the game with friends/siblings/spouses. Rest easy knowing that if a buddy starts a new game they won't mess up the baby bastard you're already in the process of raising.** Share awards on Facebook **Mark the important milestones in your pet's life by posting them on your Facebook wall for all you friends to see. They want you to ooh and ahh over their babies, now you can make them do the same with your bouncing baby (or teen, or adult) bastard.** All-new in-game achievements **New goals to complete over the life of your first, second, third (and so on) bastard's life. Can you uncover them all?** iPod integration **Built-in iPod integration allows you to listen to your music collection as you while away the hours with your new pet.** Family Photos **Take a photo with your bastard (iPhone only) or place him in a picture you've already got on your device. It's like he's right there with you! Squee!
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